I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
