i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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