it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
