I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
worst night to have a conscience
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Someone shattered a urinal.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
