I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
