I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize