put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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