I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
