making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
