im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
