Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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