Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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