oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
