What did we do last night that was yellow?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
