are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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