remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
