I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
