Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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