I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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