every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
