i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
