I can tuck mytits in my pants
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize