he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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