My nipple is on Facebook.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
