Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
