Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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