Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ladies don't puke and tell
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
