I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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