i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
