i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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