Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
