This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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