What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
