I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize