this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
