i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
