The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
