Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
