Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
