she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
