Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
