I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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