I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
