so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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