i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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