im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
