So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Randomize
