...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
