So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize