I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
