I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
