I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
