Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My brain says no but my pants say off.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
