Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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