I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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