He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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