he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
