Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
