Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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