if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
