I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
