You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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