it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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