Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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