I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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