My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
