If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize