Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
