My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
