After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
