I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
