sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
