Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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